Continuing on with revolutionary parenting, here is another tip from the Bible that has worked for us that will help you as a parent.
Be controlled.
The bible says in Ephesians 6:4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Proverbs says that young people are prone to foolishness and fads. And the bible says that the cure comes through determined discipline. So if we are going to be controlled, how do we discipline? You have to discipline with consequence rather than outburst. This is a danger that a lot of dads get into. A lot of men have anger problems and this really comes out when they begin to discipline their children. But dads, instead of raising your voice, raise your standards. I have personally made some mistakes in this area. Why? Because my dad raised me a certain way and it turned out that I decided I would use the same techniques that my dad did. And that works ok until you have a child that is just like you. Well thats exactly what happened to us and I would say, “ok. you are wrong just admit it.” And so feeling very insecure because I wasn’t winning, I’d raise my voice and say, “Hey! Come on! You know you did wrong. Just admit it!” And that went on for years until I realized that I have to change. Because my daughter is not changing. And so I had to change my approach. I had to ask myself, “Is my approach to win or am I doing this to bring about change?” And so I had to learn to lower my voice. And guess what. When I lower my voice, their whole demeanor changes! And if you don’t figure this out, how to open them up to correction and learn to communicate with them, when they grow up and move away to college and go and get married they are going to have trouble. They wont know how to resolve differences with teachers, friends, an employer and most importantly their spouse! And praise the Lord, you’ll be amazed how much your children will change when you change.
Just remember that when you get out of control and raise your voice you’re not winning! Your child is winning.
So the question is, “what do we mean by disciplining with consequence?” Honestly, parents today talk way too much when it comes to discipline. “Stop that! Quit that! Don’t do that again! I am going to count to three! You are going to get a time out! One! Two! Three!” Why do parents do that? Never count to three! Because if you are trying to teach your kids not to run out in the street, you can’t say stop or I’ll count to three. Its too late! We need to get out of this mode of badgering our kids. Be in control and say, “Hey this is it … and then the consequence.” We need to be VERY clear with our children about whats going to happen if they continue to disobey, rather than bugging them about stopping. Be VERY clear about the consequence. Now what are the consequences? It takes different things for different situations. Here are just a few examples. Perhaps it means taking away a privilege or assigning additional chores or even serving the person they’ve wronged. Sometimes it may even be spanking. Yes, I said spanking. And I said it because the Bible says it. Now abuse is wrong. And when you are out of control you should not spank your kids. It has the potential to harm them. But…the Bible says spare the rod and you spoil your child. There are some things that a child will do that are down right defiant. And if you don’t deal with defiance when they are a young child, it will be a problem when they grow older.
And remember, the point is to BE CONTROLLED. You can do it. You have the Holy Spirit inside you and one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control.
