In our two last posts, we talked about changing our reaction when our spouse hurts us. And most recently, in our last post, we found out that to do that we need to understand what forgiveness is. We started by clearing up some misconceptions about what forgiveness isn’t. So now that we’ve cleared up those misconceptions, let’s find out what forgiveness is.
In both Hebrew and Greek, the language of the old and new testaments, the words used for forgiveness means to pardon. To release from bondage. It’s like dismissing a debt. When you grant forgiveness you dismiss the debt someone owes to you. On the other hand, when you receive forgiveness your debt is dismissed. You are released from any requirement for re-payment. It’s like saying, “you don’t owe me anything.” If it’s a financial debt they don’t owe you any money. If its an offense they don’t owe you an apology. Forgiveness is dismissing your demand that others owe you something. Especially when they failed to meet your expectations, failed to keep a promise and failed to treat you justly.
Lets look at some verses in the Bible. Colossians 3:13 says “bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”
Just take a look at how Jesus forgives. In Matthew 18:21-35 Peter asks Jesus the question “Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? up to seven times” Jesus responded with the parable of the unmerciful servant. The servant in Jesus’ story owed a sum of money that seemed impossible to repay however when he simply begged for time to repay, his master responded with overwhelming compassion and simply forgave the servant of his entire debt. And we’ve all got a debt that we could not pay. And Jesus did the same for us. He’s forgiven us.
And when you look at that story, it was almost like Peter was expecting Jesus to somehow quantify the level of forgiveness and Jesus says well I didn’t come to raise the standard of how many times you forgive. This isn’t just let it all go, over and over again. This is an entirely different way of doing it. And He tells Peter, “there IS NO LIMIT to the forgiveness I am about to show you…”
I think the reason that a lot of people hold on to offenses is that they really don’t understand this… Forgiveness doesn’t start with the other person. It starts with you and Jesus. When we can understand His forgiveness, and that it is not about the repentance of the person who hurt you. It’s about believing that the cross of Jesus Christ is a sufficient payment. And not only for everything you’ve done BUT ALSO FOR EVERYTHING THAT’S BEEN DONE TO YOU. Did you get that? It’s about believing the fact that there is NO EXCEPTION! Jesus loves and died for spouse just as much is He loves and died for you. Repentance isn’t the necessary prerequisite to forgiveness. Refusing to forgive your spouse until they ask for it is like refusing to breathe to prove a point. It’s only going to harm you in the end. So if you sometimes struggle with forgiving others maybe its time to revisit your awareness of how much God loves you and continually forgives you.
So just how does someone forgive others? Find out in our next post.
