by Tom Houck
Relationships Prior to Marriage
Most of the boyfriend/girlfriend relationships we see today do not match the type of relationship needed to translate into a successful marriage. Those relationships are usually not created for the right purpose, nor do they contain the right kind of preparation or practice. Going from these types of relationships into a marriage relationship is extremely difficult. As a result of this inconsistency, there ends up being a lot of repair work that needs to be done after the marriage ceremony. If a person really loves his/her future spouse, then certainly that person would not want to conduct any relationships prior to marriage in a way that would cause them problems after their wedding.
Dating, the way it usually takes place today, is nothing more than divorce practice. Often, people create temporary dating relationships to interview candidates to see which one will qualify for a permanent relationship. They test people out to see if he or she will meet their expectations. If an individual doesn’t, they cast them aside, and then it’s on to the next candidate. This concept, often repeated several times, makes a person an expert at temporary commitments. Then, after getting married, he/she is likely to also treat that relationship as temporary with its continuation based on whether their mate is currently meeting expectations or not. If their spouse slip-up, even one time, then it’s easy to fall back on their old habit of temporary trial relationships by moving on to the next one. This type of relationship is unstable and unhealthy because it lacks real commitment. Since God intends marriage to be a permanent commitment, a person cannot prepare for that by practicing with a bunch of temporary relationships.
Faithfulness to a Future Spouse
A major contradiction found in those relationships that do not match what is required in marriage is faithfulness. Faithfulness is the lifetime commitment to remain emotionally and physically devoted to only one person and is one of the requirements of marriage that should be practiced prior to entering it. However, due to the double standard created by our society, it has become acceptable to believe that following that type of commitment to one person throughout one’s single years doesn’t matter and is not something to be concerned with.
Under that worldly standard, it really doesn’t matter how many boyfriends/girlfriends a person has before he/she gets married. But the truth is, having a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with someone you will never marry is contrary to being faithful to the one you will eventually marry. Why? Because you are giving away pieces of your heart and creating memories from emotional and physical attachments that can later become baggage to be carried into a marriage. For this reason a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship should be reserved only for a person’s future spouse. When I say boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, I mean a relationship with romantic interests. It is much different than having a boy or girl who is your friend.
What if….
For anyone who has already been involved in a relationship not ordained by God, His best for them is to acknowledge that relationship as being harmful to a future marriage, even if they didn’t know at the time it was wrong. Then commit from now-on to have only one romantic relationship. Don’t add to that mistake by condemning yourself. That won’t help! Not only is it impossible to change the past it’s foolish to try. You are, however, responsible for your future. Never should anyone think, “I have already blown it, so what does it really matter if I do the wrong thing again.” Keep in mind that with each mistake we make there is more damage done. Always limit your mistakes and make the best of whatever situation you find yourself in. 4“But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved).” (Ephesians 2:4-5 NKJ) It’s never too late to commit to be faithful from now-on!
When to be Faithful
Currently, many people have a detrimental belief concerning when a person should begin to be faithful to their future spouse. There is always a period of time prior to marriage when a person has no idea who their mate is going to be. Many people use this fact of not knowing who that particular person will be as a seemingly legitimate reason to lessen their commitment to them. Those who think this way do not believe it is necessary to have the same level of commitment to be faithful to their future spouse whom they haven’t met up to this point, as they would have if they already knew them. But the truth is, the level of commitment both before and after meeting a future spouse should be identical. Not knowing who their future spouse is going to be does not give anyone the freedom to not save all of their romantic emotions and affections for that future spouse. To be faithful to their spouse, a person should be faithful both before and after they meet them. Proverbs 31:12 gives us an encouragement to live this way, “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” (NIV) It says all the days of her life, not just the days after she meets him. Until you find out who your specific person will be, you can be faithful to them right now.
© 2010 Thomas Houck
