You might say that marriage is not an entirely successful enterprise in the generation we live in. Some statistics we’ve seen say that 40 to 50% of first marriages end in divorce, that 65% of second marriages end in divorce and that a staggering 80% of third marriages end in divorce!
Now anybody who has been married any length of time would not be quick to throw stones at someone who got divorced. Why did they get divorced? You know why! When a marriage goes wrong, it can be hellish.
The good news is there are answers. From God. In His word.
In the US there are a little over 2 million marriages per year. And if you go by those statistics we just mentioned, about 1 million divorces. So out of those 1 million couples, how many do you think started out good? Enjoying each others company? Most of them. Why would they get married if they didn’t? They were infatuated with each other, they treasured each other, enjoyed each others company, enjoyed spending time together. And then over the course of time, something changed. None of those feelings of fun, sex, …….. were enough to overcome. They WERE in love but being in love is not enough.
What is it that enables some to overcome what others cannot???? Do we have a part to play? If it was up to God we would all get the same result. So what is the difference?
When people get divorced, one of the most common reasons stated is “irreconcilable differences,” and what does that mean? Here is the definition. “Irreconcilable differences” is when you and your spouse can’t agree on basic fundamental issues about your marriage and your family and you are never going to agree. There is no changing it! They don’t agree and they are never going to agree. But…rewinding the relationship some, they must have agreed on something. Then something happened. They ran into something they just did not agree on. And they kept on NOT agreeing. And then they found something else to NOT agree on.
Let me ask you this. If you are married, should you focus on what you DON’T agree on or what you DO agree on? When you focus on what you DON’T agree on, its a dark, slippery slope. It actually opens the door for the enemy to bring to your mind other things you DON’T agree on. Because you are tuned into the disagree channel. Likewise the more you focus on what you agree on the more you will think of new things that you agree on. It’s up to us where we choose to put our thoughts and what we set our mind on.
This irreconcilable differences thing, where one or both become immovable. There’s an impasse. You start saying things like “I am NOT doing that! I CANNOT go along with that!” And when someone becomes immovable, if that doesn’t get fixed, things will begin to dry up. And people have tried a lot of solutions. You hear things like, “marriage is a lot of give-and-take.” No! That’s not how it works. Here’s how it works. There’s a word hated by the world. Some people won’t even speak it. That word is submit. That is the key.
And the world despises submission. The world thinks submission is a total loss of freedom. That it’s archaic. That’s what the devil has twisted it into. But actually its the key to survival in any marriage. It’s how you make it through when millions of other couples won’t and it applies to the man just as much as the woman. The world doesn’t acknowledge this solution but what happens when you get to “irreconcilable differences?” Is it the end??? No! There’s a solution. Somebody needs to submit. Your probably thinking “who?” Well I’m glad you asked. God already told us.
Look at James chapter 4 verse 7.
“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”
Husbands…let me ask you this. Is this a wife only verse? No of course not. Wives…Is this a husband only verse? No of course not. Its for all of us.
And when I read James 4:7 I shake my head because I know there is this crazy human tendency to do exactly the opposite of what it says. Most people end up submitting to the devil and they refuse to submit to God. On the contrary they actually end up resisting God! Think about it. If we are not yielding…submitting to God, what is it we are doing? Refusing to do the one is doing the other. It’s rebellion.
So in the next post we will go into more depth on submission. It really is the key to survival in any marriage.
