Research shows that nearly 40 percent of young people grow up in homes without a dad. An additional 40 percent report they don’t feel close to their dads.
Other research results show that children who live absent from their biological fathers are more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior more than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents.
Need I say more? There is absolutely no debating the fact that a child raised in a fathered home just has better chances of growing up to be contributing members of society. But mere presence is not enough. If that father is actively involved in the children’s lives, teaching, training and correcting them, the numbers improve even more.
Unfortunately, when you become a father, no one hands you the “How to be a good father instruction manual.” So what exactly does it take to be a good father? The answer is not short and it is definitely more complicated than it used to be. Here are some tips:
1. If you are married, put your marriage first. One of the best things you can do as a father is to have a strong relationship with your wife. Kids are smart and observant. They can sense when things aren’t right between mom and dad. The good news is they can sense when things ARE right between mom and dad. Sometimes men who are focusing on being involved fathers spend their limited free time with the children but at the expense of time alone with their wife. You can create a sense of security and set a peaceful tone in your household by putting focus on your marriage.
2. Make fathering a priority. Plan your work around your family. Decide that father-child time is not negotiable, but work time is.
3. Don’t wait to get involved as a father. Start from the birth. Besides breast feeding, you can do anything mom can do. You can change diapers, take the baby for a walk, give them a bath and so on.
4. Stay in a learning mode. There are parenting classes, books and articles to read and many resources. Don’t become a father “island”. Join a father community. There are support groups, blogs and forums where you can plug in and share fathering ideas.
5. Give them your time. If you have more than one child, have individual time with each of them. In larger families this can become a challenge. Take advantage of times like driving to the hardware store or doing a home repair or cleaning up after dinner. Look for areas in your life where you might gain some extra time if you eliminate doing something nonessential. Things like watching TV or reading the newspaper or just browsing the internet. Kids need your undivided attention.
6. Have meals together as a family. There is something about breaking bread together that unlike anything else. The conversations we have at the dinner table are some of the best. This is a great opportunity for dad to do some training and share some life lessons. You have everyones undivided attention.
7. Be a part of bedtime. Plan bedtime early enough that you can help to put each kid to bed. These are tender moments when a child will often open up their hearts to you. This is a great way to connect with your children. Ask them about the upcoming day, tuck them in and pray.
8. This one may seem obvious and too simple but show affection often. Give them a hug. Tell them you love them. And catch them making a good choice and tell them how well pleased you are.
This is by no means an all encompassing list. If you have any ideas to help out a fellow dad, leave a comment!
‘I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters,’ says the LORD Almighty.
2 CORINTHIANS 6:18
